I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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