my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
