I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's shark week go big or go home
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
