it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
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