did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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