Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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