anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
