Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
