I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Randomize
