I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
