dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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