why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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