Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
