Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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