Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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