Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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