I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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