Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
