Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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