I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
