I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
