It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
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The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
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Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.