took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
