I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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