I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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