Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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