I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
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come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
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This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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