did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
