I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
