I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
