i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
