every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
