I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
