i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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