So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
