I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
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meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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