I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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