i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
