I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
