I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
