we're blogging at a bar
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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