Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
