he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
