I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
