the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
