so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
