Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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