Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
