Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
NoShamevember. You game?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
