somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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