I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
