It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
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You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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