Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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