You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
