we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
