I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
