I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize