Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
