this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
