i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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