he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
