yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
