When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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